Dr. Bill's Directions for Surviving a Homeland Security Red Alert 

• NEW! Updates on the war from the Department of Misinformation Homeland Security 

• TRUST. Remember to trust your government. They are here to help you. They will protect  you from with well-reasoned and helpful information at all times. Never disbelieve authorities. Duct tape will protect you from radiation, biological attack, and nerve gas. Everything is under control. Be sure to visit READY.GOV^© to see your government at work. You can depend on the internet and access will be guaranteed in the event of any red alert (even one that includes an EMP pulse).  

• Way cool! Download FEMA's "Are you Ready?" and you'll be ready to cope with earthquakes, volcanoes, tsunamis, and other national emergencies! This entertaining and informative book even tells you how to take care of your pets in an emergency!

• Understand how to interpret orange alert sirens in your town.

• Your government is here to protect you! Read about how it carefully ran tests to determine the effects of radiation, biological and chemical attacks! Prepare for the worst!

PEOPLE YOU CAN TRUST

	Patriot Act

• PANIC. Remember: Don't Panic! A clear head can save you!

DON'T PANIC!

SHELTER. Build a bomb shelter. Not only will it protect against nukyular^© attack, but also dirty bombs, bioweapons, and chemical weapons. Instructions for building a bomb shelter can be found here, or just follow the diagram below.

SHELTER DEFENSE. Defending your new shelter from liberal neighbors who were too lazy or busy with their pansy-assed and treasonable anti-war demonstrations to take care of their own.

• Clear the land around your bunker. Fire is expedient and is unlikely to be put out during the panic of a red alert. Unwelcome guests can be seen from a distance for added security. 
    

• Ring your compound with barbed or razor wire . Place the wire at least three meters within the cleared area to enhance your defensible space. Either can be used in tunnels under the compound and can provide a defensible position while patrolling . Bird spikes () can be a cost-efficient alternative to razor wire along your roof top or along a brick wall. If you are building a new concrete wall around you shelter, broken bottles sunk into the wet cement () will deter those that try to climb in. Razor wire can be purchased here.

• A concrete entrance with a manhole cover door is difficult for most liberals, democrats, and similar pansy-assed commies to break through. In addition, the door can be welded to the frame from the inside to provide a seal against air-bourn agents.

WEAPONS

• A good weapons stash is a MUST! Click on the pictures in the table below for more information. More info is here.

At least one quarter of your living space should be set aside as a bunker.

Don't forget that fire can serve as an effective deterrent to those trying to enter your compound.

Be sure that all members of your family are familiar with the proper care and handling of all weaponry.

Don't forget to include other weapons in your arsenal!

RADIOLOGICAL ATTACKS

• Radiological attacks include tactical nukyular weapons, dirty bombs, or a conventional attack on a reactor.  In the event of a radiological attack our well-maintained civil defense system will spring into action, sirens will sound ( ), the emergency broadcast system will spring into action () and you will be told the exact routes and destinations for your escape (). This is exactly what happened during the event at Three Mile Island in 1979! More info on TMI can be found here (see a satellite pix of TMI  ). Potassium Iodide tablets() can be ordered here (also order some Potassium Iodate tablets just for good measure). This is a cool iodine site too! 

• A web site showing the exact location (down to the second) of all 63 nukyular power plants in North America, along with satellite photos showing their vulnerable points, surrounding vegetation, and access by land and water can be viewed here by all True Americans^©. Unfortunately, you can no longer view FEMA's emergency response plans to an attack at each plant, but you can still get topological maps from the TerraServer! These high-resolution images should not be viewed by terrorists, commies, and democrats. Have fun controlling a nuclear power plant here!

• In the event of a real nukyular attack (as opposed to one of the wimpy and ineffectual dirty bombs or an attack on a reactor that will only spread radioactive debris over several hundred or thousand miles), the sudden presence of an bright flash, immense overpressure, and a large, mushroom-shaped cloud () are likely to be your first clue that something has gone wrong. Remember to duck and cover ( and and ). If you are away from your shelter, immediately make your way to one of the several hundred thousand well-maintained and provisioned fallout shelters found in almost any public building. Just follow one of the many shelter signs found in any metropolitan area . Read Nuclear War Survival Skills here or here as a PDF.

• Check out the nukyular blast mapper! Put in your location and drop bombs of various sizes on nearby cities! See if you'll survive! Fun for the whole family!

• You'll also need some sort of radiation meter . You can buy them here. Instructions for a home-made radiation detector can be found here

• Following a real nuklular attack, you will have both the right and obligation to become your own nuklular power so you can get even with those bastards that destroyed our righteous way of life. Instructions for building your own low-yield  nuklular weapon can be found here: . Proper positioning of the device for a ground-level detonation can be found here: and here . A delivery system can be found here . Info on building an H-bomb can be found here and the Teller-Ulam design. More explicit directions can be found here.

• The expected overpressures for a city the size of Detroit is shown here: . If you want, you can look at US Nuclear Weapons Storage Areas as high resolution satellite photographs here. Obviously, potential terrorists should not visit the above sites since they are intended for True Americans^© and our Allies (except France and those dirty Krauts).

• Build an EMP bomb for $400.00 and plunge your enemy back to the dark ages!

BIOLOGICAL AND CHEMICAL WEAPON ATTACKS

• A properly-built fallout shelter will also protect you from biological and chemical weapons for a reasonable length of time. Because of this, Dr. Bill recommends that you build a nuclear shelter. If, however, you are renting, live in a mobile home park, or are otherwise some sort of poor white trash, it may not be feasible for you to build a proper bomb shelter. Under these circumstances you may need to make do with your miserable surroundings and your lot in life. Even if the following procedures and precautions don't work, I and other properly-prepared white American republicans won't have to worry about you trying to get into our shelters since you'll be lulled into a sense of false security and/or these recommendations may actually work!

• Buy lots of Duct Tape

• Invest in vast quantities of sheet plastic and plastic wrap

• Gas masks

• Avoiding  "Cabin Fever" in your shelter.

• Know the effects of a biological attack!

KNOW YOUR ENEMIES

• Do not allow strangers access to your compound. Example strangers are shown in the table below (click to enlarge). A waver of our civil rights is a good idea (Also this: ) Visit the Kids Only Page for the White House and turn in your parents here. 

Stock up on the following: