Dr. Bill's Directions for
Surviving a Homeland Security Red Alert 
NEW! Updates
on the war from the Department of Misinformation
Homeland Security
TRUST. Remember to trust your government. They
are here to help you. They will protect you from with well-reasoned and helpful
information at all times. Never disbelieve authorities. Duct tape
will
protect you from radiation, biological attack, and nerve gas. Everything is
under control. Be sure to visit READY.GOV©
to see your government at work. You can depend on the internet and access will
be guaranteed in the event of any red alert (even one that includes an EMP
pulse).
Way cool! Download FEMA's "Are
you Ready?" and you'll be ready to cope with earthquakes,
volcanoes, tsunamis, and other national emergencies! This entertaining and
informative book even tells you how to take care of your pets in an
emergency! ![]()
Understand how to interpret orange alert sirens in your town.
Your government is here to protect you! Read about how it carefully ran tests to determine the effects of radiation, biological and chemical attacks! Prepare for the worst!
PEOPLE YOU CAN TRUST
PANIC. Remember: Don't Panic! A clear head can save you!
DON'T PANIC!
SHELTER. Build a bomb shelter. Not only will it protect against nukyular© attack, but also dirty bombs, bioweapons, and chemical weapons. Instructions for building a bomb shelter can be found here, or just follow the diagram below.
SHELTER DEFENSE. Defending your new shelter from liberal neighbors who were too lazy or busy with their pansy-assed and treasonable anti-war demonstrations to take care of their own.
Clear the land around your bunker. Fire
is expedient and is unlikely to be put out during the panic of a red alert.
Unwelcome guests can be seen from a distance for added security.
Ring your compound with barbed
or razor wire
.
Place the wire at least three meters within the cleared area to enhance your
defensible space. Either can be used in tunnels under the compound
and can provide a defensible position while patrolling
.
Bird spikes (
)
can be a cost-efficient alternative to razor wire along your
roof top or along a brick wall. If you are building a new concrete wall
around you shelter, broken bottles sunk into the wet cement (
)
will deter those that try to climb in. Razor wire can be
purchased here.
A concrete entrance with a manhole cover
door is difficult for most liberals, democrats, and similar pansy-assed
commies to break through. In addition, the door can be welded to the frame
from the inside to provide a seal against air-bourn agents. ![]()
WEAPONS
A good weapons stash is a MUST! Click on the pictures in the table below for more information. More info is here.
RADIOLOGICAL ATTACKS
Radiological attacks include tactical nukyular
weapons, dirty bombs, or a conventional attack on a reactor. In the
event of a radiological attack our well-maintained civil defense system will
spring into action, sirens will sound (
),
the emergency broadcast system will spring into action (
)
and you will be told the exact routes and destinations for your escape (
).
This is exactly what happened during the event at Three Mile Island in 1979!
More info on TMI can be found here
(see a satellite pix of TMI
).
Potassium Iodide tablets(
)
can be ordered here (also
order some Potassium Iodate tablets just for good measure). This is a cool
iodine site too!
A web site showing the exact location (down to the second) of all 63 nukyular power plants in North America, along with satellite photos showing their vulnerable points, surrounding vegetation, and access by land and water can be viewed here by all True Americans©. Unfortunately, you can no longer view FEMA's emergency response plans to an attack at each plant, but you can still get topological maps from the TerraServer! These high-resolution images should not be viewed by terrorists, commies, and democrats. Have fun controlling a nuclear power plant here!
In the event of a real nukyular
attack (as opposed to one of the wimpy and ineffectual dirty bombs or an
attack on a reactor that will only spread radioactive debris over several
hundred or thousand miles), the sudden presence of an bright flash, immense
overpressure, and a large, mushroom-shaped cloud (
)
are likely to be your first clue that something has gone wrong. Remember to
duck and cover (
and
and
).
If you are away from your shelter, immediately make your way to one of the
several hundred thousand well-maintained and provisioned fallout shelters
found in almost any public building. Just follow one of the many
shelter signs found in any metropolitan area
.
Read Nuclear War Survival Skills here
or here as a PDF.
Check out the nukyular blast mapper! Put in your location and drop bombs of various sizes on nearby cities! See if you'll survive! Fun for the whole family!
You'll also need some sort of radiation
meter
.
You can buy them here.
Instructions for a home-made radiation detector can be found here
Following a real nuklular attack, you
will have both the right and obligation to become your own nuklular power so
you can get even with those bastards that destroyed our righteous way of life.
Instructions for building your own low-yield nuklular weapon can be
found here:
.
Proper positioning of the device for a ground-level detonation can be found here:
and here
.
A delivery system can be found here
.
Info on building an H-bomb can be found here
and the Teller-Ulam
design. More explicit directions can be found here.
The expected overpressures for a city the size of Detroit is shown here:
.
If you want, you can look at US Nuclear Weapons Storage Areas as high
resolution satellite photographs here.
Obviously, potential terrorists should not visit the above sites since they
are intended for True Americans© and our Allies (except France
and those dirty Krauts).
Build
an EMP bomb for $400.00 and plunge your enemy back to the dark ages! ![]()
BIOLOGICAL AND CHEMICAL WEAPON ATTACKS
A properly-built fallout shelter will also protect you from biological and chemical weapons for a reasonable length of time. Because of this, Dr. Bill recommends that you build a nuclear shelter. If, however, you are renting, live in a mobile home park, or are otherwise some sort of poor white trash, it may not be feasible for you to build a proper bomb shelter. Under these circumstances you may need to make do with your miserable surroundings and your lot in life. Even if the following procedures and precautions don't work, I and other properly-prepared white American republicans won't have to worry about you trying to get into our shelters since you'll be lulled into a sense of false security and/or these recommendations may actually work!
Buy lots of Duct Tape
![]()
Invest in vast quantities of sheet
plastic and plastic wrap ![]()
Avoiding "Cabin Fever" in your shelter.
Know the effects
of a biological attack! ![]()
KNOW YOUR ENEMIES
Do not allow strangers access to your
compound. Example strangers are shown in the table below (click to
enlarge). A waver of our civil rights is a good
idea (Also this:
)
Visit the Kids
Only Page for the White House and turn in your parents here.
Stock up on the following:
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Have lots of info on radiological weapons available. |

