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Self-Help and Religious

Item # 129348180: On-screen Confessional. No time to get to church because you have to clean the blood off the carpet before it sets? Can't stop at your local house of worship because the odor emanating from the trunk might attract attention? Can't leave the house because your prisoners might get loose and alert the neighbors? Afraid even to go to the post office because your picture's on the wall? Don't fret! Use this on-screen confessional to wash away your sins! Available 24-7, so you can even use it after a long night of downloading pictures and movies! Just describe your sins in complete anonymity and say 10 Hail Marys! Only $57.82! Not much to save your soul!® If you had to leave town quickly and couldn't stop at home, you can pick up some on-screen rosary beads!

Item # 03495039: On-screen Little Plastic Jesus. Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes, Long as I have my plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Through all trials and tribulations, We will travel every nation, With my plastic Jesus I'll go far. Enjoy the same peace of mind at your computer that you have in your car with the on-screen little plastic Jesus! One of our best-selling items. For a spiritual moment, visit the dancing Jesus page before ordering. Then read the words to this inspirational song. Order your own on-screen plastic Jesus for only $39.95! Not much to save your soul!® Also available for the Palm OS! Pay for your Plastic Jesus for the Palm and then download here. NOTE Requires MathLab.prc and NSBasic Runtime.

Item # 32939293495929: On-screen aroma therapy scratch and sniff pad. Use this on-screen scratch and sniff pad to enjoy the relaxing odor of glass. Lasts forever®. Only $11.37!

Item # 00129489: On-screen magnetic therapy system. As seen on TV! This physician-approved on-screen magnetic therapy system uses free electrons, photons, gluons, mesons, and warped space-time to generate magnetic healing rays that can not be detected by conventional means. The Super Magnetic Rays penetrate soft tissue for a healing effect. May cure cancer, the flu, and unwanted pregnancy. Only $294.06!

Item # 0102030401: On-screen Dream Catcher. Are you over-tired? Do you have trouble working at the computer unless you're surfing some gambling site or stalking a teen chat room? Maybe your dreams are escaping and affecting your normal sleep patterns. Perhaps aliens or the government are using those dreams against you. Maybe your ex-spouse plans on displaying your dreams in court to secure more child support or to get that restraining order. Perhaps your employer will use your dreams to humiliate and fire you! No one cares about you, what you've done, and what you've become. Everyone hates you, including your children and dog. Your coworkers talk about you behind your back and snicker at what you've become. High school classmates have made you the joke of the reunion. You're not needed anymore and no one cares if you're on the street. Just as long as you're not around them! Buy this on-screen dream catcher and feel better immediately, or perhaps at a later time. Only $84.77 for your emotional health®. Buy two for $500.00 and catch those nightmares too!

Item # 091275701: On-screen Psychoanalysis. Deal with paranoia, schizophrenia, and plain old everyday manic depression with your very own on-screen psychotherapist! Share your darkest secrets and receive enabling support. Click on the image below for a quick sample session, then order your very own on-screen psychotherapist for only $923.12.

Click image for sample therapy

Item # 3299158159601: On-screen Suicide Kit. Order our patented on-screen suicide kit and make it clear to everyone around you that life really sucks. Comes with an on-screen target and instructions on how to position your monitor on the edge of your filled bathtub, then slam your head into the target. Works every time! No need for an expensive consultation with Dr. Kevorkian when you can do it yourself! $55.55

Click HERE for sample

Item # 3488423834: On-screen Phrenology Kit. Learn to use scientific phrenology as a valuable and powerful instrument for self-knowledge, achievement, human relations, and law enforcement. Be the first on your block to understand and use phrenology. Great for picking up babes! Only $33.32!

Item # 8123479159: On-screen dyslexia test kit. Do yuo have trouble ingread? It be may  that you aer you lesdyxlic? Find with out on-screen our dysiclex test! Only $66.02!

Item # 31298567: On-screen Attention Deficit Disorder test kit: Do you or your child have attention deficit diso

Item # 2139090357: On-screen third eye. The Ajana or Third Eye Chakra, is located between the brows in the inward, center of the forehead. Its name means command, perception, knowledge, authority. It is associated, in the body with the pituitary gland, eyes, brain, with the element light and also beyond the elements, and with the colors purple and indigo. Get yours here. $92.24

Item # 21831941: On-screen sign-language interpreter. Are you deaf? I said, "Are you deaf?".If so, order our on-screen sign-language interpreter and all the text on your screen will be immediately converted to American Sign Language! Extensive research by  On-screen scientists has brought together the promise of AI, neural networks, and Bush's environmental policy into one easy to use package. Buy your on-screen sign-language interpreter now for only $192.43!