Emily Ramser

Jane Cornett

December 9, 1998

Freshman Seminar

Dr. Tietjen

The Art of Flirtation

Flirtation is something that we see every day, all around us, especially on a college campus. It is a common way for people of the opposite sexes to communicate with each other, both verbally and non-verbally. According to the Random House Dictionary, to flirt is "to court trifilingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love." In other words, flirting is playful and shows an attraction towards another person. For our study, we decided to observe the differences between male and female flirting on the campus of Bellarmine College.

Before we began our study, we researched on the Internet techniques used by people to flirt. There were several techniques used specifically by one gender or the other. For example, girls are more likely to flip their hair, giggle, draw attention to their mouth, take a guy’s hat, cross their legs toward a guy, and wet their lips in order to get the attention of someone. Males, on the other hand, are more likely to tickle, wink, or whistle in order to flirt. Girls tend to be subtler in their flirtatious behaviors, while males are more obvious and aggressive. There are also many techniques for flirting that are used by both genders. Of course, everyone smiles and makes eye contact when flirting. Also, they may joke around with each other, compliment the other person, give an eyebrow flash, or use "pet" names, such as "honey" or "sweetie." Both males and females use physical contact with each other. This may include playful punches, putting an arm around the other person, or patting their shoulder. Body positioning is also an important technique for flirting. The person who is flirting often tries to lean in towards the other person, uncross their arms, and open their legs slightly, to let the other person know that they are open to them. People also often twirl objects, such as straws, hair, or pencils, when they are flirting with someone. This shows the hint of nervousness present, and makes the target feel more comfortable. All of these different techniques are important flirtatious behaviors because they let the other person know that you are interested in them.

According to Linda Stambaugh, author of How to Flirt, confidence is the number one turn-on for both men and women. Walking, talking, and standing confidently lets the other person know that you are sure of yourself, making them more attracted to you. However, cockiness is not the same as this self-esteem. You must love yourself in order for others to love you as well.

For our observing, we observed ten guys and ten girls flirting with someone at lunch in Koster’s. We looked for six specific behaviors, which we felt were the most common flirting techniques used by college students. We watched for smiling, eye contact, physical contact, joking around, body positioning, and eyebrow flashes, and counted how many people we saw do each of these, comparing males to females. Both males and females smiled one hundred percent of the time. Eye contact was used by more females than males, as we observed seven girls use it, and five guys use it. On the other hand, physical contact was used more often by males. Nine out of the ten guys used some sort of physical contact when flirting with a girl, while we saw only six girls use this as flirtatious behavior. Joking around was also used more by males than females. We saw eight males and six females joking around with someone in order to flirt with them. Females more often used body positioning, however. Five girls were seen using it, while only three boys were observed using it. Finally, eyebrow flashes were seen more among females than males. We observed eight girls using the eyebrow flash, while we saw six males do the same. Through these results, we were able to come to the conclusion that males and females tend to use similar techniques when flirting, as all of the results between males and females were within no more than three. Therefore, both sexes were observed using many of the same flirtatious behaviors. However, males tended to be more physical and into joking around with the female they were flirting with in order to show their attraction, while females often used eye contact or body positioning to get their point across. This reiterates the point that males tend to be more obvious with their flirtatious behavior, while females are subtler.

Below is a chart showing the results of our study:

In today’s society, we see many obvious examples of flirting. Traditional flirting has given way to a more direct approach in recent years. A famous example of this today is Bill Clinton. Clinton has gotten into some serious trouble lately due to his flirtatious behavior with Monica Lewinsky. Other examples of flirtatious behavior in today’s society are found on television and in movies. "Valerie" and "Steve" on the TV show "Beverly Hills, 90210" are very strong examples of flirtatious characters. Steve tends to be very aggressive and physical in his flirting with women, while Valerie tends to be less physical, but very persistent. As we mentioned earlier, the male is more physical, while the female communicates more verbally. Jenny McCarthy, former host of MTV’s "Singled Out," is also a very flirty person. Jenny tends to be quite physical, unlike most females, and she is less subtle with her feelings of attraction to males. Johnny Depp’s character in "Don Juan DeMarco" is also a big example of a flirtatious person. However, Depp is a very smooth and suave person, not as physical, but more the romantic type who sweeps women off their feet. As this media demonstrates, everyone has his or her own styles of flirting.

The important thing to remember about flirting is that it is not necessarily used to attract a date or mate. Oftentimes it is used for enjoyment only. Therefore, it should not always be taken seriously, but more as a means of making people feel good about themselves. It is of the moment and should be offered without long-term goals in mind. It lets someone know that you like him or her and are attracted to them. Whether done in a physical manner or using a subtler approach, flirtatious behavior is healthy, enjoyable, and refreshing for both people involved, and is an important form of communication for many people.

Bibliography